Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
