before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
