y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
