Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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