so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
40s are totally the cure
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
