I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
