and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
