So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You ruined the universe
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
