dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
