I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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