I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
