Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
