I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
