the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There are leaves in my underwear?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
