Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
