We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
