the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
