i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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