I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
