OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
