Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
