I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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