Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
