1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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