i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ugly people sure do ruin things
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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