we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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