I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
