We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
worst night to have a conscience
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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