oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
