I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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