Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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