Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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