It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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