Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
