I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
