The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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