Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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