go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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