just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
