I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
