You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
