He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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