Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
