i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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