for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone came in the potted fern
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
