if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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