Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
