Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Boobs are out for the taking
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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