I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
