You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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