You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
