wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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