I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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